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User blog:JDlover/Beat Yo Face: The Crystal Mascara - Episode 5: Snatch Game of Law
PREVIOUSLY ON... “For this week’s '''Maxi Challenge', you will be coming together to parody some of the most iconic gay films of our generation!”'' Robin': Expect the script to be unfinished, the look to be unfinished and everything to be lazy. ''HoWaffles: OK, expect to be eliminated.'' ''Team 1’s'' Snatch Me By Your Name''!'' ''Elio: Oliver, I have to tell you something.'' ''Oliver: I know it already, you f*cking came into my peach… ;)'' ''Elio: That’s not what I wanted to say…. *Looks regretfully at Oliver*'' ''Elio: I have a disease…'' ''Oliver: NO F*CKING WAY!'' ''Elio: I’m so sorry, I knew I should’ve told you I was a little monster when we first met.'' judges crack up and clap ''Team 2’s'' Bareback Moans''!'' ''- They did the best they could after my parents were canceled for life, considerin' they didn't leave us nothin' but 24 dollars and beyonce’s “The Gift”! Ugh, their homophobic minds. . .'' ''-I got me a year a clown academy, before the transmission went on the pickup. . .And then, my sis left.'' judges slow clap ''Team 3’s'' Love Maria''!'' *beep beep noises* ''Via, thru phone: What do you want wh*re?'' ''Maria: I have a friend who wants to join the show, are you avai-'' ''Via: I'm busy b*tch. We just started filming All Stars and I have to record a new album with Danho and QOS. It's a tribute to our ancestry and heritage so I'm featuring Yemi Alade in my song.'' ''Maria: But… you're wh-'' ''Via: We're full b*tch. We're about to send Gingica home.'' ''Maria: Bu-'' *phone hangs up* ''Simoné: Well?'' ''Maria: No.'' judges burst into laughter and clap loudly “'''Maricarmen Maestra'…'' Condragulations, you are the '''winner' of this week’s challenge!”'' ''Robin X…'' ''Erikka69…'' '''''After Erikka’s elimination… Sin D.: Girl… Hannah: That was… unexpected. Erikka: (lipstick message) Bye! wipes off the message Gingica: Never liked her anyways. Sin D.: It was obvious her time was up, the fact she made top 3 last season baffles me. sound Tina: Let’s get back to the elephant in the room aka the fact that Robin is STILL f*cking here. scraping sound pans to Robin Robin: If you’re too bothered by my presence then keep it to yourself sweetie. Tina: Honey you should’ve been eliminated week 1. Robin: You can’t deny that I AM the lipsync assassin of the season and if a b*tch tries it I’ll send her home! Robin: (confessional) I don’t get why Tina is so bothered by me staying here. She hasn’t been showing me the best treatment the last couple of weeks and I don’t know what I’m doing that’s grinding her gears. Hannah: Anyways, congrats to our winner! Maricarmen: Thank you! I can’t believe I won! Maricarmen: (confessional) Winning this week was something I didn’t even think could happen. I was sure I’d be in the bottom. Hannah: You turned it out girl! Tina: It should’ve been us who won that challenge. rucucucu Sin D.: Don’t get bitter, get better. Tina: Your script was the most cliché mess I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what the judges saw in it. Sin D.: Maybe it was cliché but it was FUNNY. You know, the point of the challenge. Sin D.: (confessional) I don’t know what is up with Tina today, she’s been going at it with everyone. I think the pressure of this competition is getting to her, it’s clear that it’s her time to go next. orchestral music while camera pans towards the different queens Werk Room The next day... Hannah: (confessional) It’s a new day in the Werk Room! After last week, I definitely feel like I’m starting to really step it up. I hope I can win at least one challenge! Gingica: So what do you guys think this week’s challenge is going to be? Robin: I hope it’s something different this time around. Tina: Oh because you’re too tired of f*cking up the same challenges each week? “Oooh girl!” “She done already done had herses!” In a certain way, drag queens are chameleons. We shed our original selves and assume new, sickening glamazon personas. The question is, how good are you at being someone other than yourself? Tina: Is it what I think it is? Mini Challenge Via werkroom.png QOS werkroom.png HoWaffles werkroom.png HELLO HELLO HELLO! Hosts: Feeling like a shady lady today? Well, in the great tradition of Paris is Burning, get out your library cards… You will have to throw shade at all of your fellow queens, and the funniest, shadiest reader wins! You have 24 hours to send your reads to your Facebook confessional chat. Hosts: First up, Gingica! The library is open, darling! Gingica: Natasha, instead of gluing plastic bottles on your t*ts, glue them on your eyes. Maybe you'll notice your looks are sh!t! rolls her eyes Gingica: OzQueen, acting like a clown doesn't mean you have to take it all the way on your runways. is silent Gingica: Robin X, at this point you're just doing bad so you can lipsync every episode. rucucucu Gingica: Sin D. Kate, I really liked your moth look. But you know... it doesn't look like you took the dress off. D. looks confused Hosts: ...Alright miss thing, the library is closed! Hosts: Here comes Hannah! Show us what you’ve got! Hannah: Tina Dream, eh? Well, from the looks of it, your style's a straight-up nightmare. queens chortle Hannah: I think I figured out what the X means in Robin X, that he should've been eliminated at episode 1. He sure is living up to that X. rucucucu Hannah: Hey Maricarmen, see if you can understand this in Spanish: No puedo decidir qué es peor, si eres atuendo o si intentas hablar español con fluidez! Maricarmen: ¡No te entiendo, chica! queens laugh Hannah: OzQueen, I’m like God is a Woman in Skibidi whenever I see your outfits, I do not approve. F*ck this sh*t I’m out. Sin, you should’ve been arrested by the fashion police. That would’ve made it a lot easier for the judges. Sin D.: You’d know all about being arrested, wouldn’t you? queens scream Hannah: Gingica, you’ve been on for 2 seasons, and you’ve never been close to winning. I’d say the best case scenario here is keeping your “Elimination on Episode 7” winning streak going! OOOHHHH Hosts: OK queen, the library is closed! Hosts: Maricarmen Maestra del Rio! Show us what you’ve got. Maricarmen: Oz”Queen” LOL I mean your idea of using a plumbob for the first challenge was original but after that? 404 Ideas Not Found. silence Maricarmen: Gingica? More like GingEWca, if you win or something will be because you’re friends with the hosts, not because you have actual talent. turns her head Maricarmen: Syndicate, gosh I even forgot what your name is, I just remember your name because of our team, so yeah, you’re THAT irrelevant, same as Hannah. Sin D.: Do not try it, girl! cracks up Maricarmen: Is there anyone else in the contest? Don’t think so, irrelevants! As an influencer from my country said “¡F*ck sapos!” �� hosts cackle Hosts: Thank you, Maricarmen, the library is closed! Hosts: Natasha, you’re up! Natasha: Gingica, you're a fat @ss b*tch I cannot say anything else, because you can ONLY get on well with pigs. NO one in the house likes you and you're still in the game because you made 1 good look in the first episode. sound Gingica: Damn ma. Natasha: Hannah, I'm sorry beautiful black queen, but I'm not aware of your activity on BYF neither I'm familiar with any of your looks. Maybe try a bit harder baby girl? queens collectively go “oooh” Natasha: OzQueen, the only b*tch in the house that I've ever respected. Sometimes you can be irritating and sometimes you serve so just don't take big pig's side and do not shade me queen, okay? looks nonplussed Natasha: Robin X, tryna come up with "masc queens are a thing now" but failing miserably. rucucucu Natasha: Girl I keep seeing your name in Untucked but that doesn't help you with your game results. Also not familiar with your looks and works. Stream Madame X. Hosts: OK girl, the library is closed! Hosts: Next up is OzQueen! Come on up! OzQueen: Miss NatasCha, I heard you were joining the circus, I guess no one told you that they don't accept animals no more. hosts wheeze OzQueen: Miss Gingivitis: fat. crosses her arms OzQueen: Miss Maricarmen Menstruation: an old lady named Madonna made a song about your country, Spain, it was about how beautiful that country was, I tried to believe it was a beautiful place, but after seeing your face and looks, I don't do no more. cracks up OzQueen: Robin X, I guess you like porn, cuz you have been X X X times on the bottom. queens lose it OzQueen: Tina Dream… I don’t know you. covers her face OzQueen: Sin D. Kate, more like, Kate Marsh yourself off a building. HoWaffles: OK, what about miss Hannah? OzQueen: Who’s miss Hannah? queens and hosts cackle OzQueen: Miss Hannah Flopana: I don't know how to say it in my language so I’mma say it in Russian: ты тупой (you’re a dummy) cracks up OzQueen: An extra read for miss Via: your looks are like Chuck E Cheese pizza, it's all the leftovers but in a new plate! and Queen of Snakes scream Via: Alright miss thing, that’s enough! The library is CLOSED! Hosts: Come on up, Robin X! Robin: Adele I mean Gingica, you both ain't bmrs, body made right. scraping sound Robin: Hannah, you have great looks, sucks you're a filler b*tch. smiles Robin: Natasha, miss same old wig. You literally only use one wig and they look crusty as f*ck. glares at her Robin: Sin, you're a sin for being a filler. silence Hosts: Thank you Robin, the library is closed. Hosts: Sin D. Kate, it’s your turn! Sin D.: OzQueen, a vision in red. Maybe after this episode the only red we'll see from you is your track record. sound Sin D.: Natasha, resident Madonna stan. Who knows, you'll probably end up like her last album: in the clearance section. screams Sin D.: Gingica, your body is always full. Too bad your drag isn't. rucucucu Sin D.: Ladies, my read for Gingica might be terrible but I just wanted to take it to a level she could be able to understand. loses it Sin D.: Tina Dream, your rendering is extremely half assed and unfinished. Really fits that Katy brand actually. cackles HoWaffles: OH MY GOD! Sin D.: And Maricarmen! When I first saw you step on that runway with a box on your head I got confused. A few episodes later I realized that it described your drag perfectly, boring and in the box. sound Via: Ooh… Sin D.: If I didn't call your name remember that you guys are irrelevant to the script. Hosts: Now that’s how you read, children! Thank you, Sin D., the library is closed! Hosts: Last but not least, Tina Dream! Tina: Gingica, I mean, I’d drag you but it would take more than one person to do so. queens cackle Tina: Robin X, which crew member did you give favors to for you to be this far in the competition? hosts laugh Tina: OzQueen, last week was the first time in a long time that someone has wanted to come inside you. loses it OzQueen: Too far b*tch! Too far! QOS: SECURITY! Tina: Sin D. Kate, what does the D stand for? Dipsh*t? queens giggle Tina: And finally, Natasha. You know, I have this theory that if you turn off the lights she completely disappears. rucucucu Tina: (taking a bow) Thank you, I’m here all night. Or should I say, all competition. Hosts: Alright, thank you, Tina! The library is closed… officially! Ooh chile, we’ve got some fierce readers up in here! The winner of this week’s Mini Challenge is… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sin D. Kate! . . queens clap for her Maxi Challenge Hosts: Now ladies, we’ve officially reached the middle point of this competition. This is the time where we separate the seasoned queens from the not-so-seasoned queens. That’s right, today’s Maxi Challenge is… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SNATCH GAME! queens freak out in excitement Natasha: (confessional) It’s finally time for the Snatch Game! This is the perfect time to show the judges my unique sense of humor! Hosts: But one small little doozy we’re adding to this year’s Snatch Game is that you will be impersonating your favorite celebrities... in court! That’s right, this week we’re playing the Snatch Game of Law! queens seem confused but excited How the Snatch Game of Law will work is that we will ask you the questions as judges, our extra special guest judges will answer as defendants, and you will try to match the defendants’ answers as the jury! You are asked to choose a celebrity you want to impersonate, create a FaceYourManga that resembles the celebrity you picked, and make your celebrity impersonation funny! You will be asked several Snatch Game questions in a specialized Facebook groupchat and you are expected to answer the ones directed towards you, in-character, of course! And one more thing… Tonight on the runway, we will be honoring our favorite tax-evading queen. That’s right, category is Night of 1000 Shakiras! Pick out an iconic look Shakira has worn and bring it to the runway! You have 72 hours to send us your FaceYourManga and runway look, and answer the Snatch Game questions. Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman… WIN! Tracking List *Gingica 3/3 *Hannah 3/3 *Maricarmen Maestra 3/3 *Natasha 3/3 *OzQueen 3/3 *Robin X 3/3 *Sin D. Kate 3/3 *Tina Dream 3/3 Werk Room queens begin getting into their Snatch Game looks hosts return for a walk-through QOS: Hello hello hello! walks up to Gingica’s workbench HoWaffles: Gingica! What’s up? Gingica: I’m sorting out my Shakira look. It’s really ugly right now. sound HoWaffles: Really? What are you doing with it? Gingica: Girl, I put on a caliente wig and water on this b*tch… HoWaffles: Alright, who are you doing for Snatch Game? points to a green wig on the table HoWaffles: ...Adore Delano? Gingica: That’s right! HoWaffles: OK, get to work. You better not f*ck this up! chats with Robin X Via: Hey Robin! Who are you planning on doing for Snatch Game? Robin: I thought about doing Beast Boy, though he’s a fictional character. Via: Well, make sure you really think about it and make it funny! Robin: The only kind of humor I'm really good at is dark and edgy humor, so right now I’m thinking about doing Big Red, the feminist. Via: ...Interesting, and how are you gonna make her funny? Robin: Gonna use her man hating stance and usage of words like patriarchy for the humor. Via: Mhm, think you could give us a little sample? puts on a short, red wig Robin: THAT'S RACIST, SEXIST AND HOMOPHOBIC! ALL MEN ARE PIGS! scraping sound Via: OK… Good luck! of Snakes stops by Tina Dream’s station QOS: Hey Tina! Tina: Hey, guess who I’m doing. puts on a blonde wig and hoop earrings QOS: Is it Ms. C*ck Destroyer? Tina: Yes, Sophie Anderson is her name. QOS: Oh, I thought it was Rebecca More. looks confused Tina: ...Wait, is it Rebecca or Sophie? QOS: Well I mean there are two of them, Sophie is who created the iconic smash hit Driving for D*ck. Tina: OK, let’s do Sophie then. QOS: I’ll leave you to it. Good luck! HoWaffles: Gather round queens! Gather round! queens gather around the hosts QOS: For Snatch Game and on the runway tonight, we’ll be joined by some extra special guest judges: former Beat Yo Face hosts Oreo Winnedette and Paris Diamandis! queens scream in excitement Gingica: (confessional) I’m really excited to see the old judges again! I’m glad that raggedy b*tch Topaz isn’t gonna be present though. QOS: Now good luck, and don’t f*ck it up! Snatch Game of Snakes slams the gavel QOS: Order in the court! Welcome to the Snatch Game of Law, I am Judge Queen of Snakes and court is now in session for the trial of People versus Messy @$$ Drag Queens. Let’s meet our defendants. Arrested for breaking into the b00bs4queens warehouse, Oreo Winnedette! And arrested for threatening to b*mb DragCon alongside miss Tyra Sanchez, Paris Diamandis! Now, let’s meet the members of the jury. Drag Race all-star, Adore Delano (Gingica) is here! Adore: Hello my name’s Adore Delano, you may know me as the messy queen from Season 5. rucucucu QOS: ...You mean Season 6? Adore: Ah man, yanno this sh*t hard to remember.... I got top 3 and defeated against Bianca... what a b*tch. Actor, animator, and writer extraordinaire, it’s Justin Roiland (Hannah)! Justin: Hi, I'm Justin Roiland. And I'm ready to get schwifty! Santa Maria! It’s Spanish singer, Bad Gyal (Maricarmen Maestra)! Bad Gyal: Hello, it's me Bad Gyal aka your "Santa Maria", I'm "Internationally" and ready to turn the "Fever" up! Please, don't ask me how do I roll blunts with my big nails, I'm just sick of that question. Guess it’s never really over! Pop icon Katy Perry (Natasha) is in the house! Katy: Buy my flip flops at Katy Perry collections now! Deaf-blind author, activist and legend Helen Keller (OzQueen) has joined us! Helen: sound Viral feminist Big Red (Robin X) is here! Red: I sense a man is in here. I HATE MEN! PATRIARCHY! Brown cow stunning! Drag Race superstar Monique Heart (Sin D. Kate) is here! Monique: HOW YALL DOIN! *KATKITIKATKATPOW* IT IS YOUR GIRL MONIQUE HEART AND I AM BACK FOR THE ALL STARS CROWN HENNY! GET GOOPED B*TCHES YAAAAASSS ✨✨✨ QOS: Uh, Monique, this is Beat Yo Face, not All-Stars! Monique: Oh… STUNNING ��✨����������✨✨✨✨✨✨��✨✨���� wheezes She’s a f*cking c*ck destroyah babe, it’s Rebecca More (Tina Dream)! Sophie: Um excuse me you f*cking slag I think you spelt my name wrong. QOS: Oh… It’s Sophie Anderson! QOS: Here’s how this courtroom works. The defendants have to match our esteemed jury’s answers, and every time they do so, they earn a point. The more points they score, the more likely they are to be deemed Not Guilty! Let’s start; this one is for Paris Diamandis: “Criminal Caitlin is so criminal, the first thing she does in the morning is blank!” Paris: The first thing she does in the morning is put on her tucking panties! QOS: Let’s go over to our jury and see if any of them matched your answer. Adore, what did you write? Adore: My first instinct would be f*cking, but I then changed my answer to "listening to whatever by Adore Delano". QOS: Unfortunately, not a match. What about you, Justin? Justin: I wrote destroy another world to harvest necessary materials for her criminal activity! QOS: Not a match, but a good answer! Let’s go over to Bad Gyal and see what she’s got. BG: I wrote that Criminal Caitlin is so criminal, the first thing she does in the morning is roll some blunts. She has to start her day with energy! QOS: Ooh, not a match. And lastly, what did you write, Katy? Katy: She steals a pair of the shoes in the Tuesday morning omg my worst nightmare! Like literally, Britney even wrote a song about her. Too bad it flopped. Buy my flip flops at Katy Perry collections now! QOS: I’ll pass on that, but thank you Katy. I’ve got another question, and this time it’s for Oreo! “Law & Order: SVU has just announced a new spin-off. Instead of dealing with sex crimes, they’ll investigate blank!” Oreo: Instead of dealing with sex crimes, they’ll investigate why Carly Rae Jepsen hasn't had a hit in 4 years! cackles QOS: Let’s see what our celebrity jury has to say! Ms. Helen Keller, what’s your answer? Helen: noise quickly changes wigs Anne: Excuse me, I'm Helen Keller's teacher and I'm here to help her. QOS: Oh, Anne Sullivan is here! Anne: Helen said that she doesn't know what a court is so she just said… Hotdog! wheezes QOS: Thank you so much, but unfortunately that’s not a match! Anne: I appreciate it and so does Helen. QOS: Let’s move on to Big Red. What did you answer? Red: I WATCH LAW & ORDER & THEY'LL INVESTIGATE HOW MEN'S RIGHTS ARE INVALID AND HOW ALL MEN ARE RACIST, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC! PATRIARCHY! rucucucu QOS: ...Not a match. What say you, Monique? Monique: They'll investigate the case of WHY I SHOULD'VE WON ALL STARS DARLING! cracks up Monique: gIRL I WAS GAGGED, GOOPED, STUNNED, THE BIBLE SAID THOU SHALL NOT LEAVE A QUEEN CROWNLESS NOR WIGLESS✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ QOS: And that’s the tea! But unfortunately not a match. Monique: THANK YOU MISS INDIA FERRAH screams Monique: ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨������������������������������ COME GET THIS MELANIN MAMA Anne: Your melanin reminds me of a woman: Melania Trump. Monique: Who dat? Security come get this missing woman! *screams in fax machine* and Monique burst into laughter/screaming Sophie: I’d join the laughter too but you know… Lip injections. snickers QOS: Anyways, miss Sophie, what’s your answer? Sophie: I’ve never seen Law and Order, is it about prostitution or something like that cuz if it is sign me the f*ck up! cracks up Sophie: Well I just wrote “circumcised d*ck”. QOS: Unfortunately, not a match! Let’s move on to question number 3, for miss Paris: “Judge Judy had had it with this particular felon. Instead of simply deeming him guilty, she blanked!” Paris: Instead of deeming him guilty, Judge Judy sent him to the electric chair! QOS: Let’s see what our celebrities have to say! Adore Delano, what’s your answer? Adore: I wrote down "She died". Like, she's really old man, why did you think Bianca impersonated her in season 6. QOS: Good answer, but not a match! Justin Roiland, what did you write down? Justin: She kicked him in the balls repeatedly and then froze them! QOS: Again, not a match! Bad Gyal, what’s your answer? BG: Instead of simply deeming him guilty, she bendijo su polla—got his d*ck blessed! snickers QOS: Great answer, but not a match! And miss Katy, what do you say? Katy: She farts! HAHAHAHAHA that's so funny isn't it ������ buy Katy collections now! rucucucu QOS: We’re moving on to question 4, for Oreo Winnedette! “Sketchy Sally was taken to a court hearing, but instead of a lawyer, she had a blank!” Oreo: Sketchy Sally was taken to a court hearing, but instead of a lawyer, she had a BF, a b*tch fit! QOS: Let’s see if our jury has a match! Anne: Excuse me miss, Helen has this sensation that some people are jumping! QOS: What do you mean? Anne: Can you tell miss Rebecca to stop having a 2 x 1 cl*torial session? QOS: Sophie, I think your big t*ts are disturbing ms. Keller! Sophie: Whoops sorry got too excited! Red: DON'T CALL BIG T*TS OFFENSIVE YOU SEXIST MAN! Anne: Helen said that miss Rebecca can only be introduced as one word: Horse. loses it QOS: But let’s get back to the question! What did Sketchy Sally have instead of a lawyer at the court hearing? Anne: Miss Helen expressed that the word "hearing" triggers her so she just said: smasm wheezes suddenly begins trembling QOS: Miss Helen, what’s happening? Anne: Miss Helen wants to reveal something! Sophie: Her t*ts? Anne: She said that she didn't want to do it now since there is a lot of tension… removes her wig . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charlie: Hey Hey Hey Heeey, it's about to get real shayDEE UP IN HERE! QOS: OH MY GOD! Charlie Hides is in the house! Charlie: Yes I am, and I love Madonna; she’s my friend! We used to play with the dinosaurs together *uk laugh noise* chuckles Sophie: It’s really nice to see another British bombshell in the haus tonite! Charlie: I'm sorry if I disturbed or m*sturbated people with my character I wanted to do a surprise haha, but back to the question: Miss Sally, hmm, I think miss Sally is so nasty but what would she do to get taken out of court? Oop I got it: perform as a ghetto black lady! Last time I did that I got taken out the club! QOS: So she does blackface? Charlie: No she does Mandarin face, like Donald Trump! laughs QOS: Unfortunately not a match! Let’s go over to Big Red. What’s your answer? Red: SHE HAD A MAN HELPING HER! A RACIST, SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC, TRANSPHOBIC AND XENOPHOBIC PIG! THAT IS PATRIARCHY! sound QOS: Not a match! Monique, what did you answer? Monique: She had an entire PRODUCTION GIRL YAAAAASSS✨✨✨ b*tch she was the DIRECTOR, SHE WAS THE PRODUCER, HONEY SHE WAS EVERYTHING AND YALL THE JURY WAS GAGGED4LIFE.com! cackles QOS: Unfortunately, not a match! Last but not least, miss Sophie, what’s your answer? Sophie: You know it’s really hard to write stuff down cuz my f*ckin t*ts keep gettin in the way, but I wrote that she had a huge 12-inch d*ck f*cking her underneath the table! cracks up QOS: Not a match! Now it’s time for our final round, in which everyone will answer the following question: “Dumb Debra is so dumb that when she shoplifts, she blanks!” Oreo: Dumb Debra is so dumb that when she shoplifts, she rides the escalator out of the store! Paris: I wrote that when she shoplifts, she runs with it! QOS: For the last time, let’s see what our jury-of-queers has to say! Adore Delano! Adore: She lifts the racks! QOS: Not a match! Justin Roiland? Justin: She refutes and says that it was another version of herself from another reality, bent on getting her in trouble. QOS: Not a match! Miss Bad Gyal, what’s your answer? BG: Dumb Debra is so dumb that when she shoplifts, she always gets caught because she’s always singing my bop “Santa Maria”! Stream it! xoxo QOS: Unfortunately, not a match! Katy Perry, what did you write down? Katy: She buys Haus Labs makeup, #BuyPerfectIllusionOniTunes QOS: Once again, not a match! Charlie Hides, what do you say? Charlie: Well, I guess she was at a sexshop stealing d*llldoeeesss! So I guess when she opened the bag she hides the d*ldoes on her c * n t. loses it Charlie: So my ask response is "hides it in her froot loop"! QOS: Thank you, Charlie! Charlie: Who doesn't love a circle froot loop aha! suddenly stands up Charlie: To end my segment I want to perform an Arabian dance. starts to dance and we hear something pop QOS: Oh no, is everything OK? Charlie: My leg! Time to use Danho's new leg cream for old hags like me, it helps healing broken bones and dry skin. starts to apply the cream to her leg and QOS loses it Charlie: I would recommend the cream to miss Katy Perry since her skin is very dry almost kinda like my cough v*gina! screams Katy: Girl did I ask? Why would an ugly old b*tch tell me what make up to wear? Charlie: Because at least I can do my make up properly. sound QOS: Big Red, what do you think Dumb Debra does? Red: SHE ACCUSES THE MAN SHE SHOPLIFTED FROM OF R*PING HER! scraping sound QOS: Not a match… Moving on to Monique Heart! Monique: She's so dumb that she doesn't stream BROWN COW STUNNING ON SPOTIFY! GAG! ✨✨✨✨ GIVING YOU THE OOH AHH SENSATION HONEY YAAASSSS! KAT KITTY KAT KAT POW RAKAKAKAKAKA-OW! *hand flips that count as voguing i guess?* howls in laughter QOS: I’m so sorry but that is not a match! And lastly, let’s go over to Sophie Anderson! Sophie: Dumb Debra is so dumb that when she shoplifts, she steals Driving For D*ck available wherever the f*ck music is sold! chortles QOS: And that’s it! QOS: Has the jury reached a verdict? bailiff hands QOS a piece of paper QOS: OK so y’all, the jury, deem the defendants… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . WHO CARES?! QOS: Thank you for joining us for this edition of Snatch Game! Until next time, remember not to drive in drag unless you want to end up like Alisa Summers! Bye everybody! Runway Via BYF S03E05 Runway.png QOS BYF S03E05 Runway.jpg HoWaffles BYF S03E05 Runway.png Welcome to the main stage of Beat Yo Face: The Crystal Mascara! How are we doing tonight? QOS: I’m gagged! HoWaffles: I’m gooped! Via: I’m ready for my snatch to get snatched! Tonight, we’re keeping it in the family. Give a warm welcome to Oreo Winnedette and Paris Diamandis! How does it feel to be back? Oreo: Send me home. Paris: B*tch I’m back, by popular demand! This week, we challenged our queens to impersonate their favorite celebrities in court! And on the runway, they’re serving us some fresh Colombian princess realness. Gentlemen, start your engines. And may the best woman… . . . . . . . . WIN! First up, Gingica! El Dorado Album Cover QOS: Golden girl! Gingica: (voiceover) My Shakira look is inspired from her album cover El Dorado. My nude rhinestone dress is blinding the judges, just like I expected. To incorporate the water background into my look I made a water headpiece and shawl. HoWaffles: El Dorad-ho! Via: Puro chantaje! . . . . Hannah! Whenever, Wherever Music Video QOS: She’s just your normal island girl. Hannah: (voiceover) This outfit can be rocked whenever wherever! HoWaffles: Guys… I think she’s stoned! Via: She’s got a small and humble breast… plate! . . . . Maricarmen Maestra Mebarak Ripoll! Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) & Can’t Remember To Forget You Music Videos QOS: This time for AfriC*NT! HoWaffles: She got a thing for straps! Via: I’ll never forget her! . . . . Natasha! 2017 Papel Magazine Photoshoot QOS: Queen of the jungle has arrived. HoWaffles: She’s looking me right in the eye! Via: Regal and tribal! . . . . OzQueen! Oral Fixation, Vol. 2 Album Cover QOS: I think I'' was the one who told her to eat that apple! '''HoWaffles': Now that’s a bush if I’ve ever seen one! Via: Eve’s got nothing on her! . . . . Robin X! She Wolf Music Video QOS: Tats and t*ts! HoWaffles: She Woof! Via: She’s falling to pieces! ...Wait, wrong She Wolf. Oreo: She bouta call to see the manager. . . . . Sin D. Kate! 2014 ACM Awards QOS: Did someone light a cigarette? Sin D.: (voiceover) I'm serving you Shakira at that one award show I forgot the name of realness! I just got back from court due to tax evasion and I decided to let out a celebratory fart. What does it smell like? Tax money and coconut oil! (jk it's smoke) Via: A vision in blue! Oreo: I’m feeling gassy! . . . . Tina Dream! The Sun Comes Out World Tour HoWaffles: Pretty in pink! Via: She’s ready to sing in the rain! . . . . . . The Sun Comes Out World Tour QOS: OH MY GOD! Oreo: And I oop- HoWaffles: YES! Tina: (voiceover) I am serving not one but TWO looks from Shakira’s The Sun Comes Out tour circa 2010. I am serving you Violet Chachki realness with this sickening reveal. Via: She doesn’t get ready, she stays ready! Judges' Critiques Welcome back ladies, we’ve made some decisions. When we call your name, please step forward. . . . . Hannah . . . . Maricarmen Maestra You are both safe. You may leave the stage. The rest of you represent the tops and bottoms of the week. Let’s get on to the judges’ critiques! Starting with Gingica! QOS: I’m going to start with your runway look tonight. It’s giving me Becky the soccer mom was being bold for her monthly PTA meeting. It wasn’t very pretty and there was almost no resemblance to Shakira. You also fell short in your Snatch Game impersonation. Adore Delano is funny! I was expecting something hilarious because you usually have a great sense of humor but you didn’t deliver. You’ve been doing so well this competition. Don’t let this slip up mess you up for good. HoWaffles: Many queens fall flat on their faces during Snatch Game, and tonight you were one of them. Your impersonation of Adore stayed at the same tone and note throughout and it got boring after awhile. What surprised me most is that you missed out on all the iconic catch-phrases and quotes Adore has, she’s a very fun personality after all, and you completely missed the mark! As for your look tonight, I didn’t care for it much, I didn’t see much Shakira and it was very… basic. Via: You were disappointing in all areas this week. First off, your Adore in Snatch Game was a shallow, unfunny impersonation. There is SO much you could’ve done with her, and you didn’t even begin to explore the possibilities! As for your runway look… it’s really not good. This doesn’t give me El Dorado in any way save for the liquid on your chest and head, the dress is as basic as they come and the wig is giving me Shake-N-Go. That album cover could’ve made for such an interesting, conceptual look and yet you chose the easiest possible route. I know you can do so much better, so there’s no excuse for not stepping it up. Oreo: I’mma disagree with the judges. Was your Adore impersonation the best? No, not at all. But I feel like it was a pretty middle-of-the-road impersonation and I guess I don’t quite underst- Oh I’ve just been told to shut up before I get kicked off the show :) As for your runway, this was a pretty unflattering look… The beige feels like a nude illusion gone wrong, and the entire look just feels like a 5-year-old going for her first child pageant. It just wasn’t it. Paris: I’d have to agree with the judges here. Your Snatch Game performance wasn’t particularly memorable or funny, and it was very monotonous. Adore is a unique personality, and I feel that it wasn’t displayed well enough here. When you did rely on her personality, it was just old jokes about Bianca Del Rio, and it wasn’t funny or original. I didn’t understand your Shakira look as being the El Dorado album cover until you said so yourself, as the reference was just… not there. Overall, it has not been your best week. Thank you, Gingica. Next up, Natasha! QOS: I really loved your look tonight. It served in every category! It’s beautiful, original, and still gives me Shakira! However you Snatch Game served in no category. It wasn’t really funny and I wasn’t left wanting more because I knew I’d be disappointed! HoWaffles: Before we get to your Snatch Game performance tonight, can we talk about this look?! Oh my god! You continue to serve week after week in the looks department and tonight you served us one of the best looks I’ve ever seen, period! You’re definitely the queen this season with a very keen eye on fashion. Now for your Snatch Game… yikes, I mean, I understand the gimmick you played with the shoes and the promo but it just didn’t work. There’s so much you could’ve done with her since she has, for the most part, a very bubbling personality. What also ruined it more for me is how you broke character when you were replying to OzQueen. If it wasn’t for your look tonight I’d be sure you’d be in the bottom two. Via: As we’ve seen in the past, Katy Perry is not a good choice for Snatch Game, period. Your humor was mostly just about her promoting her shoes, which is not a bad choice, but you could’ve taken this character much further. Knowing how much of a Little Medonster you are, I found myself wondering why you didn’t just do Madonna - or Madame X, which would’ve been easier to make funny if you ask me. Your performance in Snatch Game is a shame because you have, hands down, the best runway look tonight! It’s simple, yet majestic and alluring though the leaves are kind of a Gingica Episode 3 rip-off but we won’t talk about that. Great job on that. Oreo: Your Snatch Game performance fits right in with Katy Perry’s recent discography: Left as a banner ad on AliExpress to be ignored. Never have I seen a more obnoxious Katy Perry… wait that might not be true. But that’s not the point. Instead of laughing at your incessant plugs, I just wanted to plug your mouth with a cork. On to your runway look: I think it’s very extravagant and very Carnival, and I love how over-the-top it is. One critique I have is I’m not quite sure why there are these paint streaks over the leaves… They don’t really add anything to the look and they’re just an unnecessary distraction. Paris: This look is really great tonight! Even though it’s pretty simple, it’s unique and we get the reference. However, in saying that, your Snatch Game was not good. Katy is not the best choice for Snatch Game, as she isn’t particularly known for her humour, and I think that was displayed here tonight. The gimmick with the shoe promoting wasn’t very original or humorous, and it left a lot to be desired. Thank you, Natasha. Moving on to OzQueen! QOS: B*tch…. You had the audacity to play three characters today. Your Helen Keller was funny. Then Anne Sullivan came out and it was even funnier. Then that wig reveal to Charlie Hides is the definition of iconic! I also loved your look tonight! It’s so simple but so perfect and polished. I’m very happy tonight. HoWaffles: THIS is a Snatch Game performance! Not only did you do THREE characters but you also executed each one of them perfectly! Playing as Anne to support your Helen character was genius! As for your look tonight… It’s amazing! Choosing such an iconic look (the Oral Fixations cover) was alone a great idea but also executing it perfectly with an eye on polish was the cherry on top! Amazing job tonight! Via: One word: HILARIOUS. No one else but you would’ve thought to merge Helen Keller, her teacher and Charlie Hides into one Snatch Game performance! You executed all three of them perfectly and got the judges in stitches after every little quirky moment. Your runway look, though nothing spectacular, is simply iconic and a great choice for a Shakira runway. Outstanding work! Oreo: How you didn’t get your wires crossed between your three characters was an impressive feat. Helen Keller by herself would have been a terrible character; your decision to put Anne as her interpreter definitely helped to make the character even more hilarious. Your runway tonight is quite basic, though, and I wish you would have picked a more flashy Shakira look. Even though it’s a classic Shakira look, it’s a look that serves sl*tty Halloween costume. Basic. Paris: Tonight, I would rather have you do just one character than three. Your Charlie Hides was hilarious, and I feel like if she was your only choice, that you would definitely have an amazing Snatch Game performance. The Helen Keller and Anne characters, I felt, didn’t display your humour enough, and it was a bit jarring when you changed character early on. However, you definitely did a great job in Snatch Game tonight. Your look was also amazing! I definitely got the Oral Fixation reference, and it’s simple, but majestic. Well done tonight. Thank you, OzQueen. Next up is Robin X! QOS: I wasn’t a fan of Big Red tonight. Or really any night. It was so one note and boring! I don’t think Big Red is a good character for Snatch Game since she’s so controversial and well… annoying. It just wasn’t funny. On the runway tonight, I kinda like your look! It’s not very polished and original but it is a step up from your first few episode looks (besides your amazing look from last week.) You really need to step it up if you want to continue in this competition because you’re on very thin ice. You’ve been in the bottom two every episode but haven’t gone home due to surprise eliminations and reveals... HoWaffles: Yikes, I was expecting a lot from you tonight, but you ended up playing such an annoying portrayal of a character with the same note the entire time. It was tiring to have to listen through your answers, I knew that they’d contain the words “sexist,” “racist,” “homophobic,” et cetera, and that’s not a good thing… And I noticed at one point one of your answers mentioned r*pe in a game where everything should contain comedic undertones… yikes. Your look tonight is nothing special, executed poorly, and not the level of polish we’ve seen last time. You’ve been in the bottom two each episode this season, and I won’t be surprised if you’re there this episode too. Via: Girl, here we are again. I don’t think Big Red was a good choice to begin with and you proved me right as your humor was essentially just screeching the same three words over and over again. You did make an attempt at interacting with the other queens but, in a room filled with such vivid, hilarious characters, you simply… disappeared. As for your look, it’s classic Shakira, simple and sexy, and I like that you chose to keep your tattoos uncovered. I wish we didn’t have to critique you every single week, but alas. Oreo: First of all who is Big Red? That’s not the problem though; a complete irrelevant could still be funny if they were portrayed hilariously. In the Snatch Game, your “jokes” were loud and boisterous, but that does not comedy make. Tonight, your runway look is kind of simple, kind of classic. It could potentially be the best look you’ve come up with in your entire run in this series. Make of that what you will, but at least you’re showing… improvement. Paris: Girl… your Snatch Game was a dumpster fire tonight. It was just a whole bunch of shouting and screaming. And even then, it wasn’t exactly used in a comedic way, unlike Sin D. Kate doing Monique. Your look tonight was basic, but not the good basic. It was just a leotard. Also, you have been in the bottom every week at this point, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re in the bottom this week. If you don’t pull your @ss up now, you’ll not be here for much longer. Thank you, Robin. Moving on to Sin D. Kate! QOS: I enjoyed your Snatch Game tonight! Your Monique was spot on and hilarious! Your runway look tonight is so beautiful. It’s definitely not the most creative thing I’ve seen but it’s still so polished and pretty. Great job! HoWaffles: Your Snatch Game was HILARIOUS tonight, you might’ve kept it at the same note throughout but it worked because it was so in-your-face and funny! My brain automatically read your answers in Monique’s voice and that alone showcases how good you’ve executed that bubbling character! I really like your look tonight too, classy, beautiful, and polished, good job tonight! Via: Your runway look tonight is not my fave and seemed a bit too pedestrian for what should’ve been a runway filled with iconic looks. Thankfully, I have no complaints for your Snatch Game performance! Monique is a hilarious, LOUD queen and your impersonation was on-point, integrating all of her catchphrases and replicating her behavior. You played off the other queens perfectly and had us rolling with your interactions. Excellent job! Oreo: The level of extra you brought to the Snatch Game panel was incredible and spot-on. However, my only critique is that the blackface really wasn’t necessary to achieve Monique’s character. Be controversial, don’t be problematic. On to your runway look… I don’t agree with Via, I think it’s a gorgeous gown. It really serves me quintessential Shakira--gorgeous and seductive. Also, come on special effects! Paris: Like Robin X, your Snatch Game was full of shouting and screaming, but unlike Robin X, your Snatch Game was hilarious. You definitely made Monique your own character, and used her humour to your own advantage. Overall, great performance tonight. Also, your look is really great! It’s beautiful, polished, and elegant. Definitely one of my favourites tonight. Thank you, Sin D. Kate. And last but not least, Tina Dream! QOS: I really liked your Snatch Game impersonation! It was hilarious and the impersonation of Sophie Anderson was iconic! Your runway look tonight is super creative but just lacks polish. I love how you showed different sides of Shakira tonight in that reveal. Nice work! HoWaffles: You continue to suffer from polishness and that’s not a good thing this far into the competition, your look(s) were good and I loved the reveal but it would’ve been even more gagging if the looks were polished. Either way, your Snatch Game was AMAZING, you were smart for picking Sophie and you played off each of her gimmicks perfectly! Similarly with Sin D., I read your answers in her voice automatically, I mean, you even executed the way she talks perfectly! Great job tonight! Via: First off, that reveal was gaggy - the first of the season! The looks are great choices and really showcase Shakira’s iconic, Middle East and South American-fusion style. As for Snatch Game, I didn’t find you quite as funny as OzQueen or Sin D., but you held your own. The c*ck destroyers are perfect for this challenge and you channeled Sophie very well, and I loved your interactions and answers, though I think you could’ve taken it just a little bit further. Overall, good job tonight! Paris: I agree with the judges here. You definitely suffer from polishness, and that’s evident here. But your Snatch Game was great tonight! Doing Sophie Anderson was a great and unique choice, as she is a humorous character. You played off her well, but I’d like to see you push the character further. However, you were not bad at all this episode. Oreo: I’m gonna disagree and say that sex jokes can only get a queen so far. We got it, you’ve got big t*ts sis but how are you going to make it funny the 500th time? As for your lewk, your pink look looked very… plastic bag-ish. I know that’s how the original looked but you could have improved on the execution. The sad thing is that the first look was more interesting than the second, and the reveal was kind of a downgrade... Thank you, Tina. Thank you ladies, we’ve heard enough. While you untuck backstage, the judges will deliberate. deliberation queens come back from the Untucked lounge Welcome back ladies, we’ve made some decisions. OzQueen We couldn’t take our eyes off your Helen Keller, and your Charlie Hides certainly did something for us. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sin D. Kate Facts are facts, America, and your Monique left us gooped.com. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tina Dream Your Sophie was full of spunk - in more than one way! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . OzQueen... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Condragulations, you are the winner of this week’s challenge! . . queens clap for her . . OzQueen: (confessional) Second challenge win, b*tches! I’ve proved myself, now let’s see if these other h0es can get on my level. . . . . . . Sin D. Kate... . . . . . . . . . Tina Dream... . . . . . . . . . . You’re safe. You may join the other girls. . . . . . . Gingica This week, we did not adore you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Natasha Your Katy Perry was a wit''mess''. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robin X “Big Red” is also a great way to describe your track record. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Natasha... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You’re safe. You may join the other girls. . . . . That means, Gingica and Robin X, I’m sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. . . Gingica: (confessional) It’s my first time in the bottom, and I’m sure as hell not giving up. I’m going to make the judges see why they should keep me in this competition. Elimination Two queens stand before us. Prior to tonight, you were asked to create a square for Can’t Remember To Forget You by Shakira feat. Rihanna. Ladies, this is your last chance to impress us, and save yourself… from elimination! The time has come... for you to lipsync… FOR .' '. .''' '''YOUR .' '. .''' '''LIFE! Good luck, and don’t f*ck it up! song starts Robin: (confessional) I’m doing my best and trying to keep it sexy like in the music video. I know I can beat Gingica. I robbed Erikka, Billy, etc., and I’ll rob her too. two of them bust out their sexiest choreography Gingica: (confessional) The judges pretty much gave me the mission to send Robin home, so I’m giving it my all. I know for a fact I’m not leaving this competition just yet. song ends hosts clap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ladies, we've made our decision. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gingica... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You may join the other girls. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robin X, X marks the spot… To our hearts. We hope the world will have the pleasure of seeing your X-cellence in drag. Now… Robin: None of y'all will be as good as me. MWAH! leaves the stage Hosts: Our Special Seven… This week was a taste of what’s to come. Soon enough, we’ll be seeing whether or not you can really bring it to the ball. Now remember, if you can’t love yo’self, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can we get an amen up in here? Now, let the music play!